The Stupidest Book Ever Written

Here’s what Google tells me are the stupidest books ever written in order of stupidity. Stupidity being determined by Google’s page-ranking algorithms. They’re presented mostly without comment but I think these reviews mostly speak for themselves.

Battlefield Earth

“the first half was good. But then, at the halfway point, the main bad guy (Terl) gets killed off. The last half of the book details the efforts of Earth’s survivors to wrestle control of the planet from…shark bankers. Lame. Every page was a tough decision to persevere or give up. Unfortunately, I continued. ”
John at SFsignal

The Bible

the bible is the stupidest book ever written. It is some gay ass interpretation of the teachings of god. I hope the crazy bastard who wrote it died while his dong turned black and fell off. ”
prozak_jack at totse.com

Romeo and Juliet

“oh my gosh this was the stupidest book ever!!!!! first of all u do not fall in love with some1 and get married in less than 1 day it was not love it was lust and the only reason this book was so popular was cuz of the ending but if in like half the book all they talk bout was killing themselves how was the ending such a surprise i have to read this 4 class and every time i talk bout this book all i do is bash it cuz it is STUPID and not a love story it deserves 0 stars”
Sofia at Barnes & Noble

Anne Frank and Watership Down

“I’ve got to say either The Diary of Anne Frank or Watership Down. Absolutely ridiculous.”
Organized Crime at NarutoFan.com

Moby Dick

“Whales- Mammal or Fish? Moby Dick is the stupidest book ever written.”
SuperBruinMan at Bruins Nation

Well, that was interesting.

Battlefield Earth? Obvious. But the rest? Thank you, internet, for just being you.

23 thoughts on “The Stupidest Book Ever Written

  1. I don’t even understand the one on Moby Dick. Not that the others are much better but at least with those I discern a glimmer. That one…I literally don’t get it. Is it because I’ve never read the novel under scrutiny? Is it about the classification of whales?

  2. You should read this too, it is as if not more amusing: Lone Star Statements. An oldie but goodie.

    Two of my favourites:

    The Grapes of Wrath (1939)
    Author: John Steinbeck

    “While the story did have a great moral to go along with it, it was about dirt! Dirt and migrating. Dirt and migrating and more dirt.”

    Lord of the Flies (1955)
    Author: William Golding

    “I am obsessed with Survivor, so I thought it would be fun. WRONG!!! It is incredibly boring and disgusting. I was very much disturbed when I found young children killing each other. I think that anyone with a conscience would agree with me.”

    Not me, I quite enjoy child on child slaughter.

  3. No fair, my comments aren’t supposed to be funnier than my posts!

    No one gets the Moby Dick one. Therein lies it’s beauty: dumb is funny.

  4. No fair, my comments aren’t supposed to be funnier than my posts!

    The Bible one was hilarious. Makes me think of a guy with “dong petals” that withered one by one.

    You can smack me now for that particular imagery…

  5. Don’t worry, RG, we’re all about terrible visual metaphors here at Upper Fort Stewart.

    I think the Bible one is my favorite too. It’s sort of stupid beyond belief. The review, I mean, not The Bible.

    Welcome to Upper Fort Stewart.

  6. I know what you’re saying, Mihaela. Although, with most of the works on this list it is hard to do one better. I’m sure most of these “opinions” (so malformed I hesitate to let the word out of the safety of quotations) are really a sort of grand-standing, the same way a coward pretends to be tough.

    Excepting, the Moby Dick one, of course. We still haven’t figured that one out. 🙂

    Welcome to Upper Fort Stewart!

  7. I absolutely love the thinking behind the Anne Frank one.

    A document written by a teenage girl never intended for publication but just happens to have a powerful historical significance?

    Ridiculous.

  8. Yes, it was definitely a carefully measured response from NarutoFan. Very clever of him to initially deflect any further criticism of his thought by comparing Anne Frank’s diary to a book about talking rabbits.

    Welcome to Upper Fort Stewart, Devin.

  9. I’m also getting old and am unqualified to write about books. In addition, I do not have my grade twelve math, was once a terrific speller—only to let it go, and I make weak coffee. Really, I’m quite a terrible person, James.

  10. I actually agree with most of the books you listed except the Bible. First off, Its not really a book, its more of a collection of writings…so not one person wrote it…actually hundreds of people did through centuries of copying and recopying. Second, the Bible is regarded as the most influential collection of writings in the history of our existence. Come on man, how can you disregard the most published “book” in history, the first published “book”, and the most widely read “book” in our world? I know all of these books are based on your infinitesimal opinion, but at least have the decency to not categorize the Bible along side Moby Dick.

  11. I don’t agree with any of these. I liked Anne Frank, and the Bible is not a book, you jakass. But, ya know, it’s the Internet. What can you do?

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