That’s what my dad calls a minivan. Or, at least, what he tells me the kids call it. My colleague, Lance, is slightly more excited about it than my dad. Here are his replies to my call-the-dealer-with-questions-first strategy for finding a used one.
@iandstewart "Will I look frumpy in this minivan?"
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Does this minivan have a lift kit? BOSE surround?"
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Dual auto-doors or no deal."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Any tips to hip this thing up a bit? Oh, yeah—got the pine air freshener already. Thanks."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Does this come in a maxi?"
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Got any less boxy looking?"
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "I need it to go over 100 km/h if that's possible, but not a blocker."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Anything available with pleather?"
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "I want it to look like this 84 Chevy, but maybe a mid-2000s." http://t.co/HAJTzTHDyS
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Yeah, sent to all my work buddies for my birthday and Christmas already, so they can plan ahead: http://t.co/J4A3DaCGMJ"
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Can you take this Pontiac Vibe and make it … bigger?!? I really like it."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "If it can turn corners safely, that'd be great."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "No, no—I was asking about "kilometers per litre", … never mind."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Yeah, yeah! Dropdown video screens are the bomb. What? 8 pixel and mono, that's OK."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Walking to the back seat is overrated. Gimme that bigass center console and we're in bidness."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Will it fit in between the lines at the Costco lot?" "Mmkay."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "One word. THIRD ROW!!!!!!"
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart 'Does it have the standard "Flip-out carpet!" feature, or do I still have to vacuum out the cheerios and such?'
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Does the _Living with a Van Family_ latest edition come with?
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "I'm not really a mid-size kinda guy, if you knowwhattImean. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Crossover my butt. Ain't got nothin' on this angle of back hatch! Load it. Forget it."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Dash-dash bo-bash banana-nana fo fash! Dashboard!"
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Full recline and watch the soccer game from here? Don't mind if I do. *cranks Best of Chicago 1977-1987*"
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "I'd like to supersize it."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "This breadbin is made for totin', natch."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Wheels on the minivan go round and round, round and round, round and …"
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "This is the sensible choice."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Why are the pushbikes passing me all the time. Goshdarnit. I've got pedal down to metal."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Screw airbrb. VANBNB mofos!! !^$#@!^"
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "I told my work they don't need to book me lodging any more. I'm comin' with."
'Cept Italy. #iblamecain
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "I can get all 140 channels with this thing. Just park it and up antenna. Clear as a bell."
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart None of the neighborhood kids, "Can I have a ride?"
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
@iandstewart "Can you toss in the flannel-lined moccasins? Or sold separately?"
— Lance Willett (@simpledream) June 24, 2013
This word gets thrown around a lot but it fits: Epic. Let me know in the comments if you spot doubles or if I missed one. It’s hard to keep track.
My response:
Do you work with someone like @simpledream ? No, you don’t. No one is like him. It’s just him. There can only be one. 🙂
— Ian Stewart (@iandstewart) June 24, 2013
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